First of all, I’ve noticed that we missed writing about something. We are part of a program through UCLA Medical Center called Ties for Families. We went through nine hours of training between July 20th and August 3rd to be part of the program. What is Ties for Families? I’ll let them tell you themselves:
“TIES for Families is an interdisciplinary, university-based program established in 1995 to promote the successful adoption, growth, and development of children with special needs, especially those with prenatal substance exposure who are in foster care. The program is located on the UCLA campus and works in close collaboration with the public child welfare and mental health systems. The program employs an innovative model of intervention to reduce barriers to the adoption of these children and support their successful transition into permanent homes with stable, nurturing families.
Services are available free of charge to adoptive families of children who are placed and referred by the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services. TIES offers an innovative intervention model involving a nine hour program of preparation for adoptive parents, assessment of individual children’s development, and pre-placement consultation with prospective adoptive parents by a multi-disciplinary team regarding the child’s mental health, medical, and educational needs. There is a comprehensive array of intervention services available to children and families, including adoption counseling for new families in transition, individual and family therapy, home-visiting, psychological testing, monthly parental and child support groups, short-term weekly therapy groups for children and teens, parenting skills training, infant mental health, and new parent peer mentoring.
TIES for Families provides training at the local, state, and national level on the adoption of children with special needs and on the lessons learned from this innovative model of intervention. Training is offered to prospective and current adoptive parents, child social workers in public welfare, and professionals in the legal and mental health systems. Longitudinal research is being conducted on the effectiveness of the project and the developmental outcome of the children and their families” UCLA Ties for Families www.tiesforadoption.ucla.edu
Since being officially licensed in June, Jen and I have been called about four different matches. The county has not wasted any time in trying to get us placed!
As was written about in the post before this, the first match was August 13th. We were called about two brothers, ages one and three. Being our very first call, we were obviously ecstatic. Unfortunately, a few days later, we were informed that the birth mother had named two family members that she wanted the children to be placed with. Jen and I were crushed.
That same day we were offered a 4-year-old little boy, but he was attached to a 16-year-old brother, who did not want to be adopted. We are only twenty-three, making only a seven year difference in ages between us and the brother. We decided that that match just wasn’t for us.
About two weeks later we received our next match call. We were offered a 6-year-old boy. We decided against this match because our age range for what we want to adopt is between birth and six years. If we were to be placed with a 6-year-old, we would like it to be the oldest of a sibling group. We ultimately decided that this too would not be a good match for us.
On September 14th, we were called about a little 3-year-old boy. Based on what little background our social worker was able to give us, we decided to pursue this placement! Now we are learning how this process works.
First, after we accepted the match, our social worker had to meet with his adoptions social worker to compare notes and decide if this is a good match. About the same time we were contacted by Ties and told that they had been informed about the possible match, and had ordered all of his records. After that, then we had a “presentation meeting”. This included us, our social worker, his social worker, and his adoptions social worker. We were presented with all of his medical history, and everything about him that the social workers knew. We were told to go home, study all his records, and make a decision on if we still wanted to pursue placement. We looked over all the paperwork that night, did some research on what we found, and knew by the next morning that we definitely wanted this little guy! We let our social worker know that we were interested in pursing placement, but we absolutely needed Ties to do their evaluation of him beforehand.
As of today, Ties is working on their evaluation. Hopefully they will be able to complete their work in two to three weeks. We will have a meeting with them were they will fill us in on all of their findings. That’s when we have to decide yet again if we still want to pursue placement. Personally, I’m glad that they do all this checking and double-checking. That way hopefully there are fewer disrupted placements. After Ties, we can start our visits with him, and if that goes well, then we can bring him home and into our lives!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
A Small Dose of Reality
Last Thursday was the most exciting day of this journey for me. I was sitting at work when out of nowhere my phone rang. It was our social worker. I immediately knew this had to be the news we’d been waiting for. We’ve been through all of the classes, been licensed for weeks, and all we’re waiting for now is “the call”. This had to be it! Trying to sound as calm as possible, I answered the phone. She immediately rushed through the pleasantries and told me that she had two little boys, ages three and one that she wanted to place with us and asked us if we would be interested. My brain nearly exploded! “Interested? Of course I’m interested!” I couldn’t wait until I could get off of the phone and tell Jessie that our dreams were coming true. Everything we talked about for years was becoming a reality for us. I told our social worker that we definitely wanted more information on the boys and asked her what we needed to do from this point. She let me know that she would be in contact and to sit tight. I hung up the phone and immediately called my Jessie. As I expected, she was as elated as I was.
For five agonizingly long days, Jess and I sat in silence while we heard no news from the county about the boys. During the initial call from our social worker I was told very little. She didn’t know their names, only that they were three and one. Even though I didn’t know very much, I made what I now think was a beginner’s mistake in telling the WORLD that we may have been placed. I think that in those five days I was asked five hundred times if there was any news. It was very hard. Finally on Tuesday I broke down and left a message on our social worker’s answering machine asking for an update. My only hope was that this wouldn’t annoy her. Luckily, it paid off and she called us back the same evening. Unfortunately, she did not call back with good news. Apparently, the birthmother of the two little boys has other family members that are willing to step forward and care for them, and so the case is being placed on hold until those avenues have been investigated. Needless to say, Jessie and I are very upset. At the same time, we’re trying to stay positive, knowing that if these kids are not meant for us, it simply means that there are another set that are, and those kids will be our perfect match.
For five agonizingly long days, Jess and I sat in silence while we heard no news from the county about the boys. During the initial call from our social worker I was told very little. She didn’t know their names, only that they were three and one. Even though I didn’t know very much, I made what I now think was a beginner’s mistake in telling the WORLD that we may have been placed. I think that in those five days I was asked five hundred times if there was any news. It was very hard. Finally on Tuesday I broke down and left a message on our social worker’s answering machine asking for an update. My only hope was that this wouldn’t annoy her. Luckily, it paid off and she called us back the same evening. Unfortunately, she did not call back with good news. Apparently, the birthmother of the two little boys has other family members that are willing to step forward and care for them, and so the case is being placed on hold until those avenues have been investigated. Needless to say, Jessie and I are very upset. At the same time, we’re trying to stay positive, knowing that if these kids are not meant for us, it simply means that there are another set that are, and those kids will be our perfect match.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
The Sedberry Foster Family Home
Jen and I are officially home study approved and licensed by the state of California to be foster parents! Enter applause here. As with any bureaucracy, there is a story behind it.
As you know, we had our walk-through by the state on Saturday, June 13th. When the social worker left, he told us that everything looked good and that he would file the paperwork on Monday, once he received the pictures of the crib that we had to buy. After the paperwork was filed, we would receive our license in the mail in two weeks. Jen and I were ecstatic.
Two weeks came and went. Since the license was coming via snail-mail, I gave it the benefit of the doubt and waited a few more days. When nearly three weeks had passed, I called the social worker. He seemed surprised that we hadn’t received it yet. Call back if it hasn’t arrived in the next week or so, he told me.
We waited. Another week passed, with nothing. I called the social worker back. I listened as he looked up our license on his computer. He read off that we had been licensed by the state since June 18th. I glanced at the calendar: July 13th. It had been a full month since our walk-through! Our county social worker was waiting on this one last document before we were officially put into the recruitment center’s computers to find a match. Now nearly a month had been wasted. The state social worker told me that he would “have them regenerate a copy and send it to us”.
I called Jen at work and relayed the message. Jen was not happy with this vague outcome. So she took matters into her own hands. She is a bit of a Google wiz, and somehow found the number for the head office of Social Services Licensing in Sacramento, and got a hold of a director there. She was completely mystified by this: “How on Earth did you get this number?” It was a good thing that Jen found that number, though. Turns out that the state social worker was responsible for sending us the copy of our license! He had been sitting on it for all this time, doing nothing, assuming that we would just magically get our copy! The director was not happy. She called him and had him not only mail us our license, but fax a copy to us ASAP.
Coincidently, our county social worker called Jen the same day to congratulate us on being licensed. The county had received a copy of our license before we did!
On July 16th, two days shy of being licensed a month, we received the mailed copy of our foster license. It is proudly posted on our wall next to our telephone, naming us the “Sedberry Foster Family Home”. We also received a congratulations letter from the county, telling us that we are officially in the recruitment system, and can now literally be called any minute!
As you know, we had our walk-through by the state on Saturday, June 13th. When the social worker left, he told us that everything looked good and that he would file the paperwork on Monday, once he received the pictures of the crib that we had to buy. After the paperwork was filed, we would receive our license in the mail in two weeks. Jen and I were ecstatic.
Two weeks came and went. Since the license was coming via snail-mail, I gave it the benefit of the doubt and waited a few more days. When nearly three weeks had passed, I called the social worker. He seemed surprised that we hadn’t received it yet. Call back if it hasn’t arrived in the next week or so, he told me.
We waited. Another week passed, with nothing. I called the social worker back. I listened as he looked up our license on his computer. He read off that we had been licensed by the state since June 18th. I glanced at the calendar: July 13th. It had been a full month since our walk-through! Our county social worker was waiting on this one last document before we were officially put into the recruitment center’s computers to find a match. Now nearly a month had been wasted. The state social worker told me that he would “have them regenerate a copy and send it to us”.
I called Jen at work and relayed the message. Jen was not happy with this vague outcome. So she took matters into her own hands. She is a bit of a Google wiz, and somehow found the number for the head office of Social Services Licensing in Sacramento, and got a hold of a director there. She was completely mystified by this: “How on Earth did you get this number?” It was a good thing that Jen found that number, though. Turns out that the state social worker was responsible for sending us the copy of our license! He had been sitting on it for all this time, doing nothing, assuming that we would just magically get our copy! The director was not happy. She called him and had him not only mail us our license, but fax a copy to us ASAP.
Coincidently, our county social worker called Jen the same day to congratulate us on being licensed. The county had received a copy of our license before we did!
On July 16th, two days shy of being licensed a month, we received the mailed copy of our foster license. It is proudly posted on our wall next to our telephone, naming us the “Sedberry Foster Family Home”. We also received a congratulations letter from the county, telling us that we are officially in the recruitment system, and can now literally be called any minute!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
From prep work to interviews... we've completed it all!
Hello all,
It is my turn to blog again so of course there has been almost a two month long gap in postings. It's not that I don't want to write about everything we're doing, it's just that we've done SO much is a small amount of time. My wonderful wife has the luxury of having her mornings free, so when it's her turn to do this, she cranks them out no problem. A lot has happened since the last time we posted, so much in fact that we are completely done with the home study process. Let me start from the beginning.
First off, we completed our 6 week parenting classes on Monday May 11th. At the end of everything, our class size had shrunk considerably from the original 21 to 13 people. We celebrated the end of our training with a ceremonious pot luck. Not only did we learn immeasurable amounts of information on how to handle the toughest of situations, but we also built connections with other couples in the class. This is such an asset to us, because when we are faced with the challenges that I'm sure are ahead of us, we have people to turn to who are going through very similar situations. With the end of the class came our certificates of completion. These certificates were vital as they were the last documents needed for our state application.
On May 13th, just two days after the end of our classes, we had our first home study meeting with our county social worker. We were surprisingly not stressed out about this, which strangely stressed me out a little. Every time I have ever heard anything about "the dreaded home study" people have made it sound about as enjoyable as a root canal. I don't know if it's because we built such a good rapport with our social worker while in the classes, or just that we are fully confident that we are prepared for this, but Jessie and I walked into our first meeting with comfort. We were not wrong to do so. The first meeting was held at the children and family services office, and could not have gone better. We met with our worker at 2:00 pm and for over three hours talked about our childhood, our family support system, our relationship, and our willingness to be parents. All of the assumptions that our worker likes us were confirmed. She said things like "I can't wait to make you two one of my success stories" and "there is no reason why you two wouldn't be approved." It's one thing to know within yourself that you want to be a parent and provide a loving home to children, but it is quite another when a trained professional wholeheartedly agrees with you. We walked out of our meeting as a group, and even hugged our social worker goodbye. This makes us so happy, because we will be working with this person through the time that our adoption becomes finalized, and we could not have picked a nicer woman.
The next phase of our journey was the actual visit to our house. Our worker came over on Friday June 5th at 4:15 pm. Again, things went great. She walked through our house, and found no problems at all (which I'm sure is no surprise to anyone who read our "preparing the house" entry). Since she had already gotten most of the information she needed from us in our May 13th meeting, she didn't stay long at all and left by a quarter to 5. We proved to ourselves that the right prep work makes the inspection process a breeze. She was impressed that everything was done already, and I do mean everything, from installing safely locks to baby gates at the tops and bottom of our stairs. Upon leaving she told us that as far as the county was concerned, our home study process was over.
With the green light from the county, Jessie came to the decision that, after only a year, she wanted to trade in her Mazda Miata. This was a very hard decision for her since she loved that car almost as much as me. (I'm kidding, I think). She started talking about this soon after the county inspection was over, and on Sunday June 7th, we said our final goodbyes to our red convertible two-seater, and traded it in for the less maneuverable but more family practical Mazda Tribute SUV. I was surprised at how sad I was to see the little car go. Maybe it was our last connection to the idea of being just a twosome, or maybe it's just that I secretly enjoyed looking cool as we cruised down PCH with the top down. Whatever the reason, the freedoms that went along with having the Miata will be missed, even if they are being traded in for bigger and better adventures.
The last leg of our home study came at 8:30 in the morning on June 13th. The state rep arrived, as scheduled for his final meeting and inspection. Let me tell you right now, making me just like all the others that try to warn you, THIS is the part of the home study everyone talks about. When our county social worker came to inspect our house, she showed up with a clipboard and a smile. When our state rep showed up, he came fully loaded with a rolling travel bag equipped with a laptop, our entire file, and several forms to be reviewed, signed and posted. He was a nice guy, don't get me wrong, but he came with a specific job to do and he wasn't much for chit chat. This inspection, the "regulatory side" as the state calls it, inspects everything from the amount of food in the fridge, to the amount of closet space. He had a way of saying things like "mmm hmm" as he walked through the house that made Jessie and I glance at each other to try and figure out if something was wrong with what he was looking at. Later he would say something to indicate that he was happy with what he saw... but we still weren't convinced. Everything was going smoothly and he found nothing to dock us for until he checked our water temperature. When he did, he found that it was just over regulation and told us that he would have to schedule a follow up visit. We were crushed. We had worked so hard to get through everything, and we know that the longer this part of the process takes, the longer it will be before we're placed with our children. Jessie, being the quick-thinking handywoman that she is, took him to the water heater and turned the temp. down to well below the maximum allowed. Once she did this, he was convinced that he would not have to come back after all and we were in the clear again. As the meeting was winding down, he went through our home study work up with us, and said that we were all cleared to be licensed for children over the age of two. Again our emotions took a nose dive. We have every intention of adopting two little boys and our ideal ages are infant/toddler and preschooler/early elementary. When we asked him why he wasn't licensing us to adopt infants, he informed us that since we did not have a crib in the house, he couldn't grant us a license for a child that would need to sleep in one. This frustrated us a little since we were told that as long as we had room for a crib, we would not need to purchase one until it was confirmed that we were being placed with a baby. We showed him a print out we had from BabiesRus of a crib we had previously picked out, but he said that wouldn't do, and that we had to have it on the premises. We thought quickly again and asked him if we could buy it after he left and send him pictures of it set up in the kid's room. he agreed that this was a good idea, and said that he would wait to issue our license until he received the e-mailed pictures on Monday morning. With that taken care of, he was satisfied with the interview, and left just before 11:00 am.
Jessie and I spent the better part of last Saturday searching for and putting together a crib. We took a small break to go to a friends housewarming party, but other than that, the day was all about babies. This was our first real opportunity to fall completely in love with the new SUV we bought, since buying a crib and mattress was no sweat with the huge amount of trunk space we now own. We were able to walk into a store, buy a large piece of furniture, and toss it in the back like a sack of groceries. I'm hooked, and will probably never own a sedan again. Even Jessie admits that she loves the new car. I'm happy we're both so happy with it.
Here is the crib that we purchased:
It is my turn to blog again so of course there has been almost a two month long gap in postings. It's not that I don't want to write about everything we're doing, it's just that we've done SO much is a small amount of time. My wonderful wife has the luxury of having her mornings free, so when it's her turn to do this, she cranks them out no problem. A lot has happened since the last time we posted, so much in fact that we are completely done with the home study process. Let me start from the beginning.
First off, we completed our 6 week parenting classes on Monday May 11th. At the end of everything, our class size had shrunk considerably from the original 21 to 13 people. We celebrated the end of our training with a ceremonious pot luck. Not only did we learn immeasurable amounts of information on how to handle the toughest of situations, but we also built connections with other couples in the class. This is such an asset to us, because when we are faced with the challenges that I'm sure are ahead of us, we have people to turn to who are going through very similar situations. With the end of the class came our certificates of completion. These certificates were vital as they were the last documents needed for our state application.
On May 13th, just two days after the end of our classes, we had our first home study meeting with our county social worker. We were surprisingly not stressed out about this, which strangely stressed me out a little. Every time I have ever heard anything about "the dreaded home study" people have made it sound about as enjoyable as a root canal. I don't know if it's because we built such a good rapport with our social worker while in the classes, or just that we are fully confident that we are prepared for this, but Jessie and I walked into our first meeting with comfort. We were not wrong to do so. The first meeting was held at the children and family services office, and could not have gone better. We met with our worker at 2:00 pm and for over three hours talked about our childhood, our family support system, our relationship, and our willingness to be parents. All of the assumptions that our worker likes us were confirmed. She said things like "I can't wait to make you two one of my success stories" and "there is no reason why you two wouldn't be approved." It's one thing to know within yourself that you want to be a parent and provide a loving home to children, but it is quite another when a trained professional wholeheartedly agrees with you. We walked out of our meeting as a group, and even hugged our social worker goodbye. This makes us so happy, because we will be working with this person through the time that our adoption becomes finalized, and we could not have picked a nicer woman.
The next phase of our journey was the actual visit to our house. Our worker came over on Friday June 5th at 4:15 pm. Again, things went great. She walked through our house, and found no problems at all (which I'm sure is no surprise to anyone who read our "preparing the house" entry). Since she had already gotten most of the information she needed from us in our May 13th meeting, she didn't stay long at all and left by a quarter to 5. We proved to ourselves that the right prep work makes the inspection process a breeze. She was impressed that everything was done already, and I do mean everything, from installing safely locks to baby gates at the tops and bottom of our stairs. Upon leaving she told us that as far as the county was concerned, our home study process was over.
With the green light from the county, Jessie came to the decision that, after only a year, she wanted to trade in her Mazda Miata. This was a very hard decision for her since she loved that car almost as much as me. (I'm kidding, I think). She started talking about this soon after the county inspection was over, and on Sunday June 7th, we said our final goodbyes to our red convertible two-seater, and traded it in for the less maneuverable but more family practical Mazda Tribute SUV. I was surprised at how sad I was to see the little car go. Maybe it was our last connection to the idea of being just a twosome, or maybe it's just that I secretly enjoyed looking cool as we cruised down PCH with the top down. Whatever the reason, the freedoms that went along with having the Miata will be missed, even if they are being traded in for bigger and better adventures.
The last leg of our home study came at 8:30 in the morning on June 13th. The state rep arrived, as scheduled for his final meeting and inspection. Let me tell you right now, making me just like all the others that try to warn you, THIS is the part of the home study everyone talks about. When our county social worker came to inspect our house, she showed up with a clipboard and a smile. When our state rep showed up, he came fully loaded with a rolling travel bag equipped with a laptop, our entire file, and several forms to be reviewed, signed and posted. He was a nice guy, don't get me wrong, but he came with a specific job to do and he wasn't much for chit chat. This inspection, the "regulatory side" as the state calls it, inspects everything from the amount of food in the fridge, to the amount of closet space. He had a way of saying things like "mmm hmm" as he walked through the house that made Jessie and I glance at each other to try and figure out if something was wrong with what he was looking at. Later he would say something to indicate that he was happy with what he saw... but we still weren't convinced. Everything was going smoothly and he found nothing to dock us for until he checked our water temperature. When he did, he found that it was just over regulation and told us that he would have to schedule a follow up visit. We were crushed. We had worked so hard to get through everything, and we know that the longer this part of the process takes, the longer it will be before we're placed with our children. Jessie, being the quick-thinking handywoman that she is, took him to the water heater and turned the temp. down to well below the maximum allowed. Once she did this, he was convinced that he would not have to come back after all and we were in the clear again. As the meeting was winding down, he went through our home study work up with us, and said that we were all cleared to be licensed for children over the age of two. Again our emotions took a nose dive. We have every intention of adopting two little boys and our ideal ages are infant/toddler and preschooler/early elementary. When we asked him why he wasn't licensing us to adopt infants, he informed us that since we did not have a crib in the house, he couldn't grant us a license for a child that would need to sleep in one. This frustrated us a little since we were told that as long as we had room for a crib, we would not need to purchase one until it was confirmed that we were being placed with a baby. We showed him a print out we had from BabiesRus of a crib we had previously picked out, but he said that wouldn't do, and that we had to have it on the premises. We thought quickly again and asked him if we could buy it after he left and send him pictures of it set up in the kid's room. he agreed that this was a good idea, and said that he would wait to issue our license until he received the e-mailed pictures on Monday morning. With that taken care of, he was satisfied with the interview, and left just before 11:00 am.
Jessie and I spent the better part of last Saturday searching for and putting together a crib. We took a small break to go to a friends housewarming party, but other than that, the day was all about babies. This was our first real opportunity to fall completely in love with the new SUV we bought, since buying a crib and mattress was no sweat with the huge amount of trunk space we now own. We were able to walk into a store, buy a large piece of furniture, and toss it in the back like a sack of groceries. I'm hooked, and will probably never own a sedan again. Even Jessie admits that she loves the new car. I'm happy we're both so happy with it.
Here is the crib that we purchased:
Our county social worker called us about a week ago to let us know that our first opportunity to be exposed to the children available will be on June 28th. There is a presentation being hosted by a wonderful organization called The Heart Gallery, you can visit their website at http://www.shareyourheartla.org/ and they specialize in sibling groups and older children. They are a huge supporter of LGBT families and the HRC even awarded them with this recognition this year. We'll be going to a wine tasting and there will be a presentation about the kids currently available. Jessie and I are very excited because it is our first real glimpse into our new world. With that, I am ready to sign off. It is Jessie and my one year legal marriage anniversary, thanks to the brief moment last year when LGBT couples were afforded the same rights as the rest of Californians to marry. We are celebrating with a quiet dinner out and some quality time together. We realize that quiet evenings with just the two of us are coming to an end, so we want to celebrate one last anniversary with calm togetherness. Thanks for reading. :)
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Preparing the House
We have finished preparing the house for the Fost-Adopt home studies. We will have two: one for DCFS (LA County), and one for the state of California. Here is the general breakdown of what we have done to our condo to prepare:
Installed baby-proof latches on all our drawers and cabinets
Installed safety device on the mini blind cords
Installed 3 baby gates (hooray for 2 flights of stairs!)
Bought/Installed a fire extinguisher in the kitchen
Found all the utility/emergency numbers and posted them by the telephone
Bought a locking box to store all of our medications
3-Story emergency ladder
Two convertible car seats
We also renovated our “spare room” into a full fledged bedroom:
Bunk beds & bedding
Dresser & Lamp
9-Cubby “cubicle storage unit” with 4 baskets (the other 5 cubbies work as a bookcase)
Multi-colored plastic bin toy storage unit
“Twilight Turtle” constellation night light
Elegant Baby piggy bank
We're pretty sure that we've been a little over-zealous with the preparations, but our theory is that it's better to be over-prepared than under-prepared!
For the State we've set up the fingerprinting for the 30th (which is also Jen's 23rd birthday!). It's going to cost $50/person, which is totally exciting.
For the County we've set up the first part of the home study process, which is 3 interviews: one with both of us, and one for each privately with the social worker.
Installed baby-proof latches on all our drawers and cabinets
Installed safety device on the mini blind cords
Installed 3 baby gates (hooray for 2 flights of stairs!)
Bought/Installed a fire extinguisher in the kitchen
Found all the utility/emergency numbers and posted them by the telephone
Bought a locking box to store all of our medications
3-Story emergency ladder
Two convertible car seats
We also renovated our “spare room” into a full fledged bedroom:
Bunk beds & bedding
Dresser & Lamp
9-Cubby “cubicle storage unit” with 4 baskets (the other 5 cubbies work as a bookcase)
Multi-colored plastic bin toy storage unit
“Twilight Turtle” constellation night light
Elegant Baby piggy bank
We're pretty sure that we've been a little over-zealous with the preparations, but our theory is that it's better to be over-prepared than under-prepared!
For the State we've set up the fingerprinting for the 30th (which is also Jen's 23rd birthday!). It's going to cost $50/person, which is totally exciting.
For the County we've set up the first part of the home study process, which is 3 interviews: one with both of us, and one for each privately with the social worker.
Friday, April 17, 2009
The Dreaded TB Test
One of the steps of the application process, both for the State and County, is a physical and TB test. Basically the two departments want to ensure that we are healthy enough to physically take care of a child.
I hate needles.
When you’re a child and it’s time for your booster shots, your parents stuffed you in the car, strapped you down with the seatbelt, took you to the doctor, then forced you into the exam room while you screamed and cried. Well, at least that’s what my experience was like. It’s a whole new ball game once you reach adulthood. You don’t have anyone making you do anything. It is sheer willpower propelling you to the doctor’s office.
On my way to the doctor I received a text message from Jen, telling me that they have to draw blood to check our cholesterol levels. Two needles. Jeepers.
When I walked in to the exam room, I was very happy to see Jen sitting on a chair sipping water (her appointment was right before mine). As soon as I saw her, she stuck her arm out to show me a horrendous bloody bubble and said happily “It doesn’t hurt at all!”
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Liar, liar, pants on fire”? I was pretty sure that applied to my well-intentioned wife.
They decided to take the urine sample first, which was lucky since I had guzzled about a gallon of water an hour before the physical. I did my pee-pee dance all the way to the lavatory. Then they did all the basics: temperature, blood pressure, listened to my heart and lungs, and looked in my mouth (for what exactly, I don’t know).
Then the time came for the blood sample. I decided to lie down on the table because last time I had blood drawn I was quite sick, and instantly fainted. Even though I felt fine, I didn’t want to risk it. They used a “butterfly” needle, which is generally intended for children and is very thin, since I have such a tiny arm. As they were preparing my arm, Jen held my hand, smiling all the while. I looked at her, and said in my head, “it’s for the children!” I barely felt the needle. Once that was done, they did the TB test on the same arm. I didn’t look to see what they did; all I know is that it felt like something scraped hard against my skin, similar to when a cat digs its claws into you to launch itself at something.
Jen’s pants weren’t ablaze, but there was definitely a little smoke.
I hate needles.
When you’re a child and it’s time for your booster shots, your parents stuffed you in the car, strapped you down with the seatbelt, took you to the doctor, then forced you into the exam room while you screamed and cried. Well, at least that’s what my experience was like. It’s a whole new ball game once you reach adulthood. You don’t have anyone making you do anything. It is sheer willpower propelling you to the doctor’s office.
On my way to the doctor I received a text message from Jen, telling me that they have to draw blood to check our cholesterol levels. Two needles. Jeepers.
When I walked in to the exam room, I was very happy to see Jen sitting on a chair sipping water (her appointment was right before mine). As soon as I saw her, she stuck her arm out to show me a horrendous bloody bubble and said happily “It doesn’t hurt at all!”
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Liar, liar, pants on fire”? I was pretty sure that applied to my well-intentioned wife.
They decided to take the urine sample first, which was lucky since I had guzzled about a gallon of water an hour before the physical. I did my pee-pee dance all the way to the lavatory. Then they did all the basics: temperature, blood pressure, listened to my heart and lungs, and looked in my mouth (for what exactly, I don’t know).
Then the time came for the blood sample. I decided to lie down on the table because last time I had blood drawn I was quite sick, and instantly fainted. Even though I felt fine, I didn’t want to risk it. They used a “butterfly” needle, which is generally intended for children and is very thin, since I have such a tiny arm. As they were preparing my arm, Jen held my hand, smiling all the while. I looked at her, and said in my head, “it’s for the children!” I barely felt the needle. Once that was done, they did the TB test on the same arm. I didn’t look to see what they did; all I know is that it felt like something scraped hard against my skin, similar to when a cat digs its claws into you to launch itself at something.
Jen’s pants weren’t ablaze, but there was definitely a little smoke.
Monday, April 13, 2009
PS-MAPP Classes - Or to those who are new to this, Parenting Classes
Hello all,
Sorry for the delay in posts, we are quickly finding out that the adoption process takes up a lot of your time... time you would normally be spending doing things like, oh I don't know, writing a blog, or maybe eating a sandwich. I have just a few moments before I am off to class tonight, but I wanted to touch base with you guys and let you know what has happened since orientation.
Jessie and I have started our PS-MAPP training, which is a 6 week course that we go to every Monday and Wednesday night from 6-9pm. We have been to five sessions so far and find them incredibly informative and enjoyable. These classes are used as an information and selection process, and are not only providing us with all of the tools we will need to become prepared and effective parents, but it is giving our social worker the opportunity to sit with us twice a week and see first-hand how we deal with a full spectrum of emotions. Along with our social worker, we are also trained by a fellow resource parent who has been through this process before, and also a college rep who is incredibly knowledgeable on the process and what is expected of us.
Our first class, which was on April 6th, did not start out as a stress free experience. We had received our pre-registration e-mail the day before class started that stressed, in bold lettering, that simply registering for the class did not guarantee placement. The facilitators needed at least 20 people in attendance but no more than 25 to hold a class. The letter also stated that there would most likely be a line and that only the first 25 people in the line who had correctly pre-registered would be allowed admittance and registration started at promptly 5:30. Well, as you can imagine, Jessie and I took this very seriously. We know how much we want this dream to become a reality, so we figured that it would be a mad frenzy to get a spot before the class was full. This created a bit of stress for me considering that A: I work in Santa Ana, B: Traffic on the 405 is extremely unpredictable, and C: the letter almost made it sound like we should have been camped out the night before.
Somehow Jessie and I managed to get past any hurtles we had imagined would have made us late and arrived at the school at 4pm. To our great surprise, and relief, we were the first ones there. Now, with two hours to wait, we started to realize that we had made for a very long afternoon. Luckliy there was a small cafe close by which served rather tasty chinese food and we snacked on that while waiting for other prospective parents to show. At around 5pm a group of men started setting up in the conference room that had been designated for our classes. Once confirming with these men that they were not there for PS-MAPP (they were setting up for a police academy training), a new wave of panic set in. Was there a way that we had been waiting outside of the wrong conference room? Was there a huge line of parents waiting outside another door, claiming our spots in this coveted class as we sat there twiddling our thumbs? OH THE STRESS!!! Luckily for us, I still had the number of the woman who registered us for the class, so I called her to make sure that we had the location correct. She confirmed that we were in the right place and that the room had been double booked which apparently happens often. Soon enough the trainers arrived and pre-registration started... however at this point, there were only 7 people waiting including Jessie and me. As we sat there discussing how this day was already stressful enough without the class being cancelled and us having to start this entire process over again, a few more people staggered in, bringing out head cout to 11. Not until 6:03 did the 20th person sign their name on the sign-in sheet and Jessie and I gave a mutual sign of relief.
Since the first class, which had a final total of 21 prospective parents, our numbers have dwindles to just 14. This class is effectively executed and makes you really soul search to find if this process is right for you. Jessie and I, as I'm sure is no surprise to any of our friends and family reading this, are still VERY sure that this is exactly how we want to start our family, but I must admit that we have had several serious conversations about what exactly we can handle, what our true expectations are, and how we feel that this will change us forever. I affectionately call the MAPP classes "parenting boot camp" but only because they are an extremely emotional journey that force you to evaluate who you are and how you can help a child. I just wish everyone who got pregnant had to take these classes. If they did I bet there would be far fewer children in the system waiting for adoptive homes.
Our next leg of this journey is the homestudy, which will be starting shortly since Jess and I have already submitted both the state and county applications. We'll talk about the joys of preparing the house and the challenges of making sure everything we own is locked away, padded, or flame retardent. Thanks for reading and we'll try to be better about keeping you guys updated.
Sorry for the delay in posts, we are quickly finding out that the adoption process takes up a lot of your time... time you would normally be spending doing things like, oh I don't know, writing a blog, or maybe eating a sandwich. I have just a few moments before I am off to class tonight, but I wanted to touch base with you guys and let you know what has happened since orientation.
Jessie and I have started our PS-MAPP training, which is a 6 week course that we go to every Monday and Wednesday night from 6-9pm. We have been to five sessions so far and find them incredibly informative and enjoyable. These classes are used as an information and selection process, and are not only providing us with all of the tools we will need to become prepared and effective parents, but it is giving our social worker the opportunity to sit with us twice a week and see first-hand how we deal with a full spectrum of emotions. Along with our social worker, we are also trained by a fellow resource parent who has been through this process before, and also a college rep who is incredibly knowledgeable on the process and what is expected of us.
Our first class, which was on April 6th, did not start out as a stress free experience. We had received our pre-registration e-mail the day before class started that stressed, in bold lettering, that simply registering for the class did not guarantee placement. The facilitators needed at least 20 people in attendance but no more than 25 to hold a class. The letter also stated that there would most likely be a line and that only the first 25 people in the line who had correctly pre-registered would be allowed admittance and registration started at promptly 5:30. Well, as you can imagine, Jessie and I took this very seriously. We know how much we want this dream to become a reality, so we figured that it would be a mad frenzy to get a spot before the class was full. This created a bit of stress for me considering that A: I work in Santa Ana, B: Traffic on the 405 is extremely unpredictable, and C: the letter almost made it sound like we should have been camped out the night before.
Somehow Jessie and I managed to get past any hurtles we had imagined would have made us late and arrived at the school at 4pm. To our great surprise, and relief, we were the first ones there. Now, with two hours to wait, we started to realize that we had made for a very long afternoon. Luckliy there was a small cafe close by which served rather tasty chinese food and we snacked on that while waiting for other prospective parents to show. At around 5pm a group of men started setting up in the conference room that had been designated for our classes. Once confirming with these men that they were not there for PS-MAPP (they were setting up for a police academy training), a new wave of panic set in. Was there a way that we had been waiting outside of the wrong conference room? Was there a huge line of parents waiting outside another door, claiming our spots in this coveted class as we sat there twiddling our thumbs? OH THE STRESS!!! Luckily for us, I still had the number of the woman who registered us for the class, so I called her to make sure that we had the location correct. She confirmed that we were in the right place and that the room had been double booked which apparently happens often. Soon enough the trainers arrived and pre-registration started... however at this point, there were only 7 people waiting including Jessie and me. As we sat there discussing how this day was already stressful enough without the class being cancelled and us having to start this entire process over again, a few more people staggered in, bringing out head cout to 11. Not until 6:03 did the 20th person sign their name on the sign-in sheet and Jessie and I gave a mutual sign of relief.
Since the first class, which had a final total of 21 prospective parents, our numbers have dwindles to just 14. This class is effectively executed and makes you really soul search to find if this process is right for you. Jessie and I, as I'm sure is no surprise to any of our friends and family reading this, are still VERY sure that this is exactly how we want to start our family, but I must admit that we have had several serious conversations about what exactly we can handle, what our true expectations are, and how we feel that this will change us forever. I affectionately call the MAPP classes "parenting boot camp" but only because they are an extremely emotional journey that force you to evaluate who you are and how you can help a child. I just wish everyone who got pregnant had to take these classes. If they did I bet there would be far fewer children in the system waiting for adoptive homes.
Our next leg of this journey is the homestudy, which will be starting shortly since Jess and I have already submitted both the state and county applications. We'll talk about the joys of preparing the house and the challenges of making sure everything we own is locked away, padded, or flame retardent. Thanks for reading and we'll try to be better about keeping you guys updated.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Orientation
On Thursday, March 26th, Jen and I went to Cerritos College to attend the Fost-Adopt orientation. We arrived about forty minutes early, so we had lunch in the cafeteria. We went into the classroom about fifteen minutes early, and were surprised to see that most of the chairs had already been filled. We were lucky to find the last two chairs sitting together at a table.
Once seated, the LA County Department of Family & Children Services worker greeted us and had us sign in. This was important because they used the sign-in sheets to generate the certificate that signified the completion of the orientation, which in turn is needed to attend the PS-MAPP classes (more on that later). When 12:00 hit, there were approximately thirty people that had come for orientation, which, according to the social worker, was a large class. The first half of the orientation was by LA County Department of Family & Children Services (DFCS), and the second half was by the California Department of Social Services (CDSS), Community Care Licensing division (CCL).
German (pronounced Her-mahn) was the social worker for LA County, and was extremely professional, informative, and friendly. He talked us through and hour and a half’s worth of exactly how the LA County DFCS works, how and when children are taken from their homes and placed in foster care, how they work with families to make the child’s home safe so that they can return to their family, and how they know that it’s time to terminate the parental rights, making the child eligible for adoption. He gave us statistics, such as last month (February 2009), DFCS worked with 33,000 children. This is all just in LA County only! At any given time, there are 500-800 children eligible for adoption. That just shows how well the county works with the families to get them into shape and equipped for raising their own children correctly. German also gave us the steps for how to become a “Resource Family” to foster these kids. The fastest he’s ever seen someone become licensed and ready to foster was two months. Jen and I hope to fall into the 2-4 month range.
The first step in the Resource Family process is the orientation. Check. The second step, countywise, is to take the county-run PS-MAPP classes. PS-MAPP stands for Permanence and Safety – Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting, which in plain English, is parenting classes. It’s a 33-hour, 6-week course that deals with the basics of parenting and how to deal with behavior/emotional/medical/adjustment problems that foster parents face when taking in a child. We are excited to take these classes and absorb everything they teach us. The trick is getting into a class. In order for the class to commence, a minimum of twenty people need to be signed up, but no more than twenty-five can be admitted. It’s on a first-come, first-serve basis, so we must make sure that we’re super early to the first meeting, and not to forget our orientation completion certificate! Jen and I signed up for the Monday/Wednesday 6-9pm classes at El Camino College in Torrance, which start on April 6th. Hopefully enough people will sign up so that class can start. German told us that that’s not usually a problem.
Congruent to the PS-MAPP classes there are things that we must do for the state in order to get our license. First, we have to fill out the foster family application, which in actuality are several applications in one. The second half of the orientation was run by LaSherrie from the CDSS. She went through what the application looks like, how to fill it out correctly, and where to send it in. All this information is also available on their website: www.ccld.ca.gov. Along with filling out and sending in our application, we have to get a Live Scan background check done, get certified in first aid and CPR, have a physical done, and ready our home for the home study. This includes baby-proofing, setting up the bedroom to accommodate a child (or children), and making sure that everything is up to their safety standards. We must find out all the emergency shut-off for the gas, water & electricity, and get the numbers for the utilities and police. It sounds like a lot when they’re listing all this off, but it’s really not. Plus it’s stuff that should be done anyway.
Tonight we start filling out our application. We will attend CPR and first aid training at the YMCA in late April. The ball has begun rolling!
Once seated, the LA County Department of Family & Children Services worker greeted us and had us sign in. This was important because they used the sign-in sheets to generate the certificate that signified the completion of the orientation, which in turn is needed to attend the PS-MAPP classes (more on that later). When 12:00 hit, there were approximately thirty people that had come for orientation, which, according to the social worker, was a large class. The first half of the orientation was by LA County Department of Family & Children Services (DFCS), and the second half was by the California Department of Social Services (CDSS), Community Care Licensing division (CCL).
German (pronounced Her-mahn) was the social worker for LA County, and was extremely professional, informative, and friendly. He talked us through and hour and a half’s worth of exactly how the LA County DFCS works, how and when children are taken from their homes and placed in foster care, how they work with families to make the child’s home safe so that they can return to their family, and how they know that it’s time to terminate the parental rights, making the child eligible for adoption. He gave us statistics, such as last month (February 2009), DFCS worked with 33,000 children. This is all just in LA County only! At any given time, there are 500-800 children eligible for adoption. That just shows how well the county works with the families to get them into shape and equipped for raising their own children correctly. German also gave us the steps for how to become a “Resource Family” to foster these kids. The fastest he’s ever seen someone become licensed and ready to foster was two months. Jen and I hope to fall into the 2-4 month range.
The first step in the Resource Family process is the orientation. Check. The second step, countywise, is to take the county-run PS-MAPP classes. PS-MAPP stands for Permanence and Safety – Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting, which in plain English, is parenting classes. It’s a 33-hour, 6-week course that deals with the basics of parenting and how to deal with behavior/emotional/medical/adjustment problems that foster parents face when taking in a child. We are excited to take these classes and absorb everything they teach us. The trick is getting into a class. In order for the class to commence, a minimum of twenty people need to be signed up, but no more than twenty-five can be admitted. It’s on a first-come, first-serve basis, so we must make sure that we’re super early to the first meeting, and not to forget our orientation completion certificate! Jen and I signed up for the Monday/Wednesday 6-9pm classes at El Camino College in Torrance, which start on April 6th. Hopefully enough people will sign up so that class can start. German told us that that’s not usually a problem.
Congruent to the PS-MAPP classes there are things that we must do for the state in order to get our license. First, we have to fill out the foster family application, which in actuality are several applications in one. The second half of the orientation was run by LaSherrie from the CDSS. She went through what the application looks like, how to fill it out correctly, and where to send it in. All this information is also available on their website: www.ccld.ca.gov. Along with filling out and sending in our application, we have to get a Live Scan background check done, get certified in first aid and CPR, have a physical done, and ready our home for the home study. This includes baby-proofing, setting up the bedroom to accommodate a child (or children), and making sure that everything is up to their safety standards. We must find out all the emergency shut-off for the gas, water & electricity, and get the numbers for the utilities and police. It sounds like a lot when they’re listing all this off, but it’s really not. Plus it’s stuff that should be done anyway.
Tonight we start filling out our application. We will attend CPR and first aid training at the YMCA in late April. The ball has begun rolling!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
It begins!... The amazing journey we are embarking on.
Hello all and welcome to our blog. Jessie and I had this idea a few months ago to start a blog about out lives together. Very quickly however, we realized that as much as we love each other... our life is VERY boring. Well, all of this is about to change. You see, Jessie and I have decided that we are ready to expand our family beyond the current status of two kooky women and three overly pampered felines. Now I'm sure you're wondering exactly how we are going to achieve this goal since unlike hetero couples, there are no "pleasant surprises". Jess and I have discussed this at length, and length... and length. We have considered using a donor, both known and unknown, and have discussed adoption of every kind. Recently, through conversations and independent soul searching we have come to a mutual agreement that adoption is where our hearts truly are. Biological children are a blessing, and neither of us are nixing that option all together (we have YEARS before we're no longer able to biologically parent), but with this world already having so many wonderful children who are in need of homes and loving families, this is our perfect fit.
Adoption in itself can be a very daunting process, filled with an entire spectrum of emotion, along with mountains of paperwork and interviews. Luckily, together Jessie and I can conquer anything and we are both committed to do whatever it takes to fulfill our dream of parenthood. We have been in the extensive research phase for about a week now, and today we took our first leap. We have officially registered with the Department of Children and Family Services, with the intent to enter the Fost-Adopt program. On March 26th we will attend a three hour orientation with other hopeful applicants where we will learn the step-by-step process of fostering and adoption and submit our application.
Adoption in itself can be a very daunting process, filled with an entire spectrum of emotion, along with mountains of paperwork and interviews. Luckily, together Jessie and I can conquer anything and we are both committed to do whatever it takes to fulfill our dream of parenthood. We have been in the extensive research phase for about a week now, and today we took our first leap. We have officially registered with the Department of Children and Family Services, with the intent to enter the Fost-Adopt program. On March 26th we will attend a three hour orientation with other hopeful applicants where we will learn the step-by-step process of fostering and adoption and submit our application.
Now, the internet is an endless wealth of information, both factual and confusing. Jessie and I have found that all the research in the world still lead us down a muddled road with dead-ends abound. Fost-Adopt, though a wonderful program, is not that easy to find on the web. Luck however is in our favor. In June of '07 Jess and I were married by a man named George who has traveled the Fost-Adopt road successfully twice and is now, along with his partner, the proud father of two beautiful children. We sent him an e-mail a few days ago and he was more than happy to share in his knowledge of the beginning steps. Furthermore, this man is so warm-hearted that he has volunteered to meet with us at any time to discuss our next steps if we ever feel lost in our journey. Since Jessie and I are new to this, and are finding quickly that this helping hand is welcome, we are extending the same to anyone out there who has also decided to take this route. The following links are those that George gave us, both of which have been very helpful in answering some starting questions and guiding us toward the right numbers to call and people to talk to. We'll blog again as soon as we have reached the next step. Thanks for reading.
LA County Adoption FAQ's
Adoption Handbook: Very Useful Source of Information
The phone number for LA County to register for an orientation is 888-811-1121.
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