It has been a monumental adjustment period, and now were a going though all of the ups downs, joys and trials of parenthood. I feel that before I talk about the present, I need to back up tremendously and talk about the process.
In mid November of 2009 we got the call that we had been waiting for... well forever. Our social worker let us know that there was a 3 year old who had been in long term foster care and we were asked if we were interested in establishing a permanent home for him, with the intent to adopt. I know that I remember my excitement being muddled with a bit of fear. She talked about this little boy who had, at the time, been considered cognitively and verbally "delayed". Not knowing that that meant, we were apprehensive to immediately say "Yes, we will commit to forever. The seemingly obvious questions started to flood our brains. "How delayed is delayed? Is this someone who will be able to forge out on his own in adulthood? Were the delays caused by nature, or nurture? I remember feeling bad about even wondering these things, admonishing myself for not immediately being willing to parent the first child in need of it. I had to remind myself that it is okay to ask, and without proper knowledge, I would be unable to properly care for my new son, if he did come home.
Will all of these realities to consider, we let our social worker know that we were overjoyed with the possibility of parenthood, and decided to move forward. A few days later, we received our second phone call regarding this little boy, and at first it seemed like our dreams were being dashed again. Our social worker let us know that the courts wanted to propose "legal guardianship" for him, and at this time, the prospect of outright adoption was not being offered. The reasoning for this was that, at the time, the biological mother was still granted visits with her son, and the courts feared that an adoption would sever that tie. We were asked again if we wanted to pursue this placement. If we were willing to provide a long term home for a child, with the knowledge that if at any time his biological mother's circumstances changed, she could petition to end our guardianship and could be granted physical custody. It was very difficult. Jessie and I had, over the days become very attached to the idea of this child, and were very hesitant to let this impending dream die. We were told by our social worker that it was a great risk to move forward, and that she personally did not advise it. I was sure at this point that I was not yet destined to be a mother. I don't know if it was blind determination or stupid naivete, but after long discussions, usually at times I would have otherwise been sleeping, Jessie and I decided not to give up, and we again let our social worker know that we wanted to move forward with the placement. She set up the meeting between us and the child's placement workers.
I will never forget the excitement of walking into the county offices with the knowledge that I was going to get the full story on the child that has occupied all of my thoughts for weeks. We were not at an appointment to meet him just yet, that would come later, but we were there to talk to the women who had been in charge of his case for the last three years. To find out how severe, it at all, his delays were. To find out what he was like. Who he was. We walked into a conference room with our social worker and two others, and were presented with a huge binder. Anything that could be known about a child who had spent three years in the care of strangers was in that file. We were told that he was talking, but not at the level considered appropriate for his age. He had his four front teeth pulled from bottle rot and would need a temporary bridge until his permanent teeth came in, and he had eczema that was not being treated well. The more they told us, the more this child, my child, seemed like the perfect fit. We discussed the prospect of legal guardianship, and were told by his workers that it was not set in stone, but since the courts had not found a suitable home for him, they were unwilling to sever his biological ties. It's understandable. Who takes a child from their mother without a viable backup plan? Lastly, we saw his photo, and I was hooked. He was the most beautiful child I had ever seen, and all I wanted to do was hold him. Jessie and I looked at each other, and then at the photo of our possible new son, and we told these workers, for the first time with complete certainty, that we were moving forward with the placement. It is a decision I have never once regretted.
All of the wonderful details of this story could not possibly be shared in one post, but I will leave you with the promise of the next step of this journey, our first meeting with Devon, and with this photo... the first we ever saw of our beautiful baby.
